Megan was getting married! In Bali!

However, due to the circumstance at the time of our invitation, we declined. So when I woke up on a Tuesday morning, 4 days before the wedding, with an enormous tugging in my heart to be there, I just knew that I had to work a plan. And work a plan I did. I'll skip all the chaotic details of the frantic packing but 24 hrs later we were on a shiny big plane to Bali 24!

Crazy, impulsive and just plain nuts - especially with warnings of a volcano about to erupt - we were off as we flew into the sunset.

Me and my insecurities tightly pressed together in a middle seat on a very full flight. I had absolutely ignored all the red lights and warning bells of my insecure, emotional self and just followed my heart.

Taking a lead from Brenè Brown on the power of vulnerability, I have decided to bare my heart in this blog as I truly believe that there are others out there who will be encouraged to break out of their boxes. Many of our labels are self-imposed, which limits our potential and maybe others are ones we've taken from people who have treated us badly. Either way, we seem to have these boxes with lousy labels, or huge frustrations or even depression because nothing seems to change and we feel, well, just stuck! Can you identify with some of this?

Back to flying halfway around the world from South Africa to Bali with my constant companion, Insecurity, and beginning to doubt my sanity. What was I thinking?

So here’s where I bare all:

  1. I was carrying some extra kilo’s from winter / having flu and not exercising/eating badly, basically lots of reasons (or excuses?)
  2. I wasn't confident about my outfit for the wedding.
  3. I had NO TAN, I mean white like Nicole Kidman. And now I'm going to an island where everybody is gloriously golden, EVERYBODY except me - and maybe a few of the Irish guests. Seriously?
  4. I’ve always said that I don't do swimming in the sea, or beach bodies, or cozzies (swimming costumes), talk about a self-imposed box with a lousy label on it, I had a really big one right here!
  5. To top it all, I don't drink alcohol. Have you ever been on an island holiday? Everybody drinks champagne, cocktails or Bintangs (Bali beer), all day! The funniest thing is that at happy hour, all the alcoholic drinks are 2 for the price of one, but not the non-alcoholic ones! Full price for every one baby!
  6. I needed help and fast!

Captain, please can you turn this shiny big plane around and take me home, me and all my insecurities, where I can hide and feel safe. The plane did not turn around!

      And... I had the most amazing, glorious 10 days of my life! I’m not joking, it was INCREDIBLE!

I wore my pink flowered dress with confidence (mostly), even with my very white legs sticking out. I snorkelled in the sea 3 times and watched in awe as this turtle did his thing, eating and letting the little fish nibble his neck as he moved around the coral. I cycled around Gili Trawangan Island for 4 days - like Julia Roberts in the movie Eat, Pray Love. And I got a sore arse but I felt like I was 18 again! I loved my time with my god-daughter Megan and all her precious family and friends, as only I can do…. with lavish love, laughter and contagious joy. I shared the gratitude of my heart with them, the kind that comes from a restored soul and the sheer delight of living life to the full at 56 years old!

All in all, I had a ball! So where did my insecure self go and what happened to all my boxes with the lousy labels on them? Magic? No!

I HAD A BALI BREAKOUT!

Somewhere between take off and landing, I did an internal audit, some of it conscious and some not, and I made a decision to make a shift, a shift in my focus. I realised that I was giving all my attention to my limitations instead of ‘I am more than enough’. (And I'm not talking about weight here!)

This is the part where I put my “WANT TO” factor into play. How much did I want to have a wonderful holiday with my Russ? How much did I want to enjoy my dear precious friends who live so far from me? Why did I want to go to Bali so desperately as to turn my life and my wallet inside out to do it? So I asked myself if my “WANT TO” was strong enough to banish my insecure self to the luggage compartment of the plane and in fact to stay there while I had a fabulous time? The answer was yes, a resounding YES! And did that little insecure brat try to sneak out and harass me at times? She tried, but I recognised her and sent her packing back to the plane post haste!!

On reflection about my Bali Breakout I would like to share a few points that have become crystal clear to me and fuel my desire to live a free and full life going into my future:

  1. Thoughts are very powerful and need serious challenging. So challenge the ones that put you down or limit your beliefs and strip them of their power over you, choose to think on things that are lovely about yourself. Only you and I have the power over which thoughts to think, like choosing what to wear every day… ‘wear’ the thoughts that energise you and make you feel beautiful!
  2. Watch what comes out of your mouth, especially about yourself. An example from my Bali Breakout; One time I started talking about my ‘winter weight’ and I looked at Russell’s face (He was privy to my ‘want to’) and I quickly changed my conversation to a different topic. Talk about good things in yourself and also about others too, its a   really good habit to develop.
  3. Nobody is perfect, so give attention to your strengths, develop them and enjoy them because when you love yourself, others will too!
  4. Last but not least, get a good life coach! it will be a great investment and you might just have your own ‘Bali Breakout’!

The best part of my spur-of-the-moment holiday to Bali (and there were many best parts) was that I have come home so much richer than when I left. Rich in memories, rich in relationships and most of all rich in my soul.

And in writing this blog, my hearts burning desire is that you will take some of my richness and multiply it for yourself.

With much love and many blessings,

Stella